June 28, 2004 - 00:08
i was thinking, what if everyone i've ever been interested in is really horrible, but just seemed nice. i'm an asshole.
the problem is you have ideals or things that you would love to happen and at least some of them are attainable.
i'm so tired i'm hallucinating. i was sitting in bed reading and jumped when i saw this spider as big as my hand crawling foward a little. then it was gone.
i made this stupid quiz, "would we get along?", so every week or two i get a note from some idiot that's like "your quiz said we should elope, heh, heh, isn't that weird." people are out of their fucking minds.
the ocd, or whatever it is since i'm self-diagnosed--it's easier than saying my ocassional, inexplicable need to count, repeat actions a certain number of times, and rearrange things a certain way--has been worse lately.
making macaroni and cheese:
twenty minutes measuring, halving, and remeasuring the noodles and cheese, drinking milk from the measuring cups--eight times from the 1/8 of a cup one. describing every car we passed going home one night.."there's a truck, there's a car, there's a mack truck, there's a car, there's a truck.." having to step on every leaf in the road on walks.
i'm glad i'm not a germ phobic. decided this after the butter melted while i was measuring and i put it in my mouth and spit into the bowl with the noodles, before using a knife occured to me.