July 12, 2004 - 19:29
oh god, i'm getting $3,000 for my birthday from an annuity my grandfather set up a decade or two ago, on top of all the money i usually get from relatives on my birthday. i have no idea what to do with it. should i get a van? should i move out? should i travel?
on top of that, i decided maybe nothing is real so everything i think is solid is really unstable. it's probably a good thing for me to think because if nothing's real, it doesn't matter what i do, but i can't believe it for more than a half-hour at a time because once i start concentrating on something it goes away. it's like a magic eye picture where you can only stare at it for so long until you focus in on a dinosaur or a boat instead of a senseless pattern.