August 07, 2004 - 15:28
okay, so maybe a car instead. or maybe i'll give it to the shepherd's chapel. or maybe i'll bury it somewhere, regret getting ridding of it, forget where i buried it, then hack my limbs off and sell them on the black market. or maybe i'll talk about it far too much because it's the only thing there is to think about, aside from fictional things and things that make me want to rip all the skin off of my fingers because they worry me.
jane, her mother was a hurricane that swept the plains and sneezed away a continent, with me, the sea, the team that made a myth by hiding it became a hit on broadway, but it wasn't quite the same, they all forgot our names..we all have names. we all have names.
"if someone is born to be something bad, are they condemned to being that thing even if it bothers them? or will they have a natural proclivity to not even care if it's really that bad?"
maybe i'm just supposed to be a recluse because it's happened and it's not like i went from having tons of friends to not seeing anyone or wanting to. even if it's depressing (and i'm more prone to paranoia and anxiety with the lack of distractions--i'm sure i've said "lack" about five hundred times this past year)..well, most of all, boring..it's what i'm best suited for. i definitely prefer being alone to being with or around other people, and it's easier to do that when you stay in your room or house every day.
then i might just be numb after spending too much time alone and that's why this doesn't bother me.
i've been waiting two weeks to go to the store..i keep sleeping through trips. maybe in a week or two.