October 09, 2004 - 22:22
today was bad. my sister's friends were over all day and i stayed in my room until around five. it's nice i can actually have a bad day, though, because i thought every day was going to be the same as the next and completely unremarkable. october 13th is in four days..on wednesday. i don't really care because i don't want him anymore, and i don't care how he's doing. when they're out of sight, people are imaginary and don't exist.
i decided to start drawing to help with writing. i haven't yet.
i'm reading sometimes wisdom is madness, about zelda sayre, scott fitzgerald, and their marriage, with a focus on zelda. it's good. the only books i sit down and read for more than a half-hour are biographies, maybe because they're really personal, so more interesting. it's undiluted, instead of reading or looking at what the person's made. even though reading someone's book doesn't mean that you're interested in the person at that point. anyway, i'm tired.
my dad might be moving into a trailer in the middle of nowhere. actually it's down a highway with woods and fields, a pygmy goat farm, and houses in clusters and alone, far apart. the trailer is supposed to be near a lake, but we can't find it. i hope it's really far back in the woods and all alone. i want to live somewhere where i won't see other people for weeks.
my mother wants me to get my ged but this incredibly apathy..and you can't do everything by computer. i can't drive around looking for information.
blake left a note. the bad thing about knowing people is that i don't have a social life for several months, then someone calls or comes over. i'm completely out of practice and would rather hang myself than talk to anyone.
i wouldn't want to live all alone with my father, though, and my sister wants to stay here. with her stupid friends. and no dog. i hate not having any animals around.