October 30, 2004 - 13:54
it's fairly easy for me to get on the newer computer, but i just haven't felt like updating here, not that it matters because this computer is really alright, just not good for mindless internet surfing, one of only a few worthwhile internet activities. this was created to write about friends and new things i did with them, especially drugs and alcohol, as well as people i don't know, since there's no point in telling people i know about them if i'm not even going to get to know them, so, i went to a party at blake's house last night (which feels more like this morning, since i woke up at eleven last night and didn't really sleep while everyone else was passed out, or on adderal and with no interest in sleeping, or ability to sleep).
rebekah called at eleven because i was supposed to be at the party, so everyone thought i was dead. my mother picked up and freaked out because i was gone and hadn't left a note and i had said i was going to blake's but wasn't there. later she realized i was in my room, asleep. what a ditz. rebekah said she'd pick me up after she got back from club kryptonite, so i dressed up as a hooker and sat around reading agnes grey (anne bronte) for an hour or so in really non-slutty clothes but slutty compared to how i usually dress (like a boy).
she came at three with her recent ex-boyfriend, who was dressed up as a clown, wearing her pink wig. she was dressed as a fairy, a really pretty costume--pink petticoat, wings, ostrich feathers glued to her eyelashes. we smoked some pot on the way, which was more effective than what we'd smoked on the way to wilmington, despite the much-shorter drive. when we got there everyone was falling-over drunk and bobbi was sitting outside complaining about things, pulling on her hair, chainsmoking, etc. blake was really happy, or drunk. she always acts like she's on drugs or drunk, so i think it was a combined of real and alcohol-induced happiness. when we came in i shook hands with this guy named kevin who immediately decided he wanted to fuck me, since i was the only girl at the party whom no one would get mad at if she slept with him (rebekah with her ex, bobbi with her boyfriend, blake with kenny). i avoided looking at him the rest of the night, which was really easy because he kept laying down on the floor like he'd passed out for thirty minutes at a time, then he'd get up again. so he was gradually passing out for good. there was also this kid named rob there who was really cute, around sixteen and also really nervous, although not as bad as me. he talked, but not very much (normal-quiet as opposed to near-mutes, who will only talk when drunk or high, and then only with prodding), and kept going off alone. yeah, i talked to him a couple of times this morning (daytime) and last night. we watched interview with the vampire, during which i crawled into an armchair and fell asleep, not very sound sleep because i kept waking up whenever someone changed dvds. i was really nervous this morning. i fought off crying for a while, then went back to self-injury bit off almost a mouthful of my cheek, sucked all the blood out, held it in my hand and continued tearing bits of skin off while attempting to sever my right leg at the knee with my insufficiently long middle left fingernail..for a while, and then i asked blake if she and kenny would take me home, like a tremendous loser, because i didn't want to get drunk again and was socially useless without any of that in my system. blake let me drive, though, which cheered me up, and this time i didn't come anywhere near crashing head-on into another car, although by now i have completely forgotten how to drive and had to ask which was the brake and which the excelerator.