November 05, 2004 - 14:49
I hate it when I manage to compose a really polite, concise e-mail or post asking for help/information and then when people reply I have no idea what to write back, like this lady at Horry Tech. I wrote to, and some people in a Bronte sisters community. I'm stuck between talking like a valley girl and coming off as distant and overly formal. Whatever personality I'm trying to get across is exagerrated so as to be artificial.
I always have things so, so easy, and now even more so with my dad getting money from his dad and working less. I went to the library and park and bought a dress at a consignment store on Wednesday, went to the hospital with my mother on thursday (for most of the day--she works really late), and today I went apartment and house-hunting with my dad. First it was this trailer park, then a duplex in downtown Conway, then an apartment, and then someone's garage, like on Happy Days. I liked the duplex best--it's old, and in an old area of town, very, very close to Lakeside cemetery--and my dad liked the apartment near the airport, because the duplex doesn't have central heating. I am not moving in with him..but I'd like to stay over an annoying amount, I'm sure, just because I'm sick of living in one place for so long. I don't have a job and am not going to school, so I guess it doesn't really matter who I live with because I can go back and forth between the two. Both parents work (my mother works more, so far) and that guarantees a ton of privacy during the day. I suppose I like the potential new house better because it's empty, while this one is crowded. And it's old..since I like old things. Reminds me of the house in Blow, or houses in movies/pictures from the 50s.
Rebekah owes a lot of money all over--credit card bills, speeding tickets--and I should give her the rest of mine, which was given to me by my dad, unlike hers, which she worked for and still needs more of. But I haven't offered it up. What the hell am I going to use it for--let it sit around for relatives to borrow from and slowly spend it on books and clothes? Then I think that I only thought of giving it to her because it's a way of alleviating some of the guilt of not having to work or do anything at all--I could just lie in bed every day and things would stay the same. Should you not do something if your motivation is guilt? Then I think that maybe I'm thinking that I shouldn't do it because it would make me feel less guilty because I really am a greedy asshole, and this is just an excuse to keep the money. It's also awful of me to assume that she's in over her head, when it could really just be a matter of saving money until she has enough to pay off everything, and then it's really condescending of me to give her money when she's perfectly capable of handling it on her own. That's the part that worries me most, especially since my having money has nothing to do with being better at managing it. I just don't buy anything and, being a dependent, have no regular expenses.
Things at home are like school. I take notes on maps, read atlases, work on a NaNoWriMo novel, define words, read novels, read about different plants and animals and astronomy..now I just need to incorporate history and math, and it's practically high school. Speaking of which, I need to look into Adult Ed. or taking the GED. I'm thinking Adult Ed. since I might as well finish high school and get a diploma, although it's probably more expensive. I can go to the Academy (there's no Adult Ed. at my old school), which is where everyone goes when they're sick of regular high school, other than into the fast food industry. Maybe I can just re-enroll since the school day there fits into my mother's schedule at the hospital, but I think you need to have a base school. Also, the Academy has majors--nursing, journalism, art, web publishing..although some kids at my high school (I can't remember whether or not I'm mentioned it by name anywhere, or by intials) just went there for regular classes. Because, yeah, it's where you go when you get sick of regular high school.
Well, I'm going to go write you back now.